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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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34-Year-Old Man Wants To Be Professional Bowler When He Grows Up

BRECKSVILLE, OH—Citing his ability to score over 100 points when he is "not even trying all that hard," Bernie Grout, 34, announced yesterday his dream of becoming a professional bowler when he grows up. "Ever since I was 27 and I got my first turkey, I fantasized about eventually pursuing this as a career," said Grout, adding that his love of bowling started when he and his father used to go to the OK Alley to "throw the ol' [bowling] ball around" when he was 26. "Just imagine what I could do if I had my own ball and one of those gloves." Grout plans on patiently working hard over the course of the next decade to lose some muscle mass, grow a solid moustache, and give up on all of his other dreams, so he can one day "compete on the professional level."

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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