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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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347 Locals Identify Slain Prostitute

VERONA, WI—The body of a woman found strangled behind Zurbachen's Truck Stop last week was positively identified as convicted prostitute Sandy Huffman by 347 area residents, police reported Monday. "Ms. Huffman's identity was exhaustively confirmed based on height, eye color, birthmarks, scars, hair color, tattoos, jewelry, and, in three instances, dental work," said a spokesman for the Verona Police Department. No arrests have been made in the case, but police have detained dozens of area shop owners, teachers, realtors, bankers, farmers, church leaders, youth coaches, Boy Scouts, and homemakers for questioning.
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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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