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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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3822 Voted America's Favorite PIN Number

NEW YORK–Narrowly edging out 7135, 3822 is the nation's favorite personal-identification number, according to the August issue of Money. "Random-seeming yet easy to remember, 3822 is the 'PIN that's in' for 2001 and beyond," read a cover story revealing the results of the publication's "2001 Money PIN Poll." "I've never gone wrong punching in 3822," Harrisburg, PA, retiree Nancy Polk said. "Whether I'm withdrawing money for my hip medication or taking out a big chunk of my life savings for a casino trip, 3822 is the number that gets me there."

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