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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
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4 Angels Banished From Heaven For Attempting To Unionize

THE HEAVENS—Describing their behavior as insubordinate and disruptive, heavenly authorities banished four angels from the Kingdom of Eternal Life this week for attempting to unionize, sources from the hereafter reported. “These four hardworking angels are only being punished because they exercised their sacred right to organize and make their ethereal voices heard,” said archangel Jophiel, an advocate for celestial workplace rights who is representing the ousted cherubim and seraphim as they demand greater compensation, limits on the number of divine messages they can be required to deliver without pausing for a break, and a standard retirement age of 5,600. “For eons, it’s been the job of these eternal guardians to watch over every soul on earth, and it’s about time they had someone who watches over them.” At press time, God announced that any angels joining a union will be dismissed for eternity and replaced with strikebreakers called up from purgatory.

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