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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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4 Hours Scrolling Through Facebook Before Bed Referred To As ‘Winding Down’

TULSA, OK—Saying it felt good to just kick back and decompress after a long day, local woman Kelly Alderman reportedly referred to the four hours she spent scrolling through Facebook before she went to sleep Wednesday as “winding down,” sources confirmed. “As soon as I get home from work, all I want to do is take a load off and relax for a little while,” said Alderman, speaking of the period between 7 and 11 p.m. during which she routinely sits on her couch, makes brief comments on her friends’ status updates, clicks “like” on several dozen posts, and responds almost instantaneously to any and all notifications she receives before eventually closing her laptop and brushing her teeth. “I think it’s important to spend some time every evening [repeatedly clicking through every one of my acquaintances’ most recently uploaded photos of the bars they’re visiting or the weddings they recently attended and then just sit there continuously refreshing my news feed] before I turn in for the night.” Sources added that Alderman refers to the 25 separate times she scans the social media site on her iPhone throughout the workday as “taking a little break.”

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