adBlockCheck

Recent News

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
End Of Section
  • More News

4-Year-Old’s Optimism Just Making Things Worse For Area Family

MARION, AR—Though intended to cheer up family members, the unflagging optimism of 4-year-old Shelby Cooper has served only to exacerbate the financial stress her parents have experienced since her father lost his job two years ago, sources reported Monday. “It used to make me smile when she’d say, ‘Don’t worry! You’ll get a million dollars!’” said Ken Cooper, admitting he has since grown to dread his daughter’s good-luck nose kisses. “But now when she crawls onto my lap and tells me I shouldn’t be sad because I’m the strongest Daddy in the whole world, it just makes me feel like an even bigger failure.” At press time, Shelby was coloring a picture of her mother, who when reached for comment said drawings of her leaving the hospital on a rainbow only made her worry more about how the family would pay for her cancer treatments.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings