adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
End Of Section
  • More News

40,000 Pounds Of Slave Have Been Lost At Sea

Doleful News has been from Baltimore receiv'd, and that being: Of the WRECK of the Slaver Betsy at Sea, and its entire CARGO of 40,000 Pounds SUNKEN, to the furthest Depths of dread Neptune's hearth, ninety Leagues off Hatteras, on March the 4th. The star-cross'd Frigate took on Water during a Tempest, and despite the attempts of the Crew to jettison the less valuable members of the Hold, so as to lighten the Tonnage in the densely pack'd Hull, the Onrush of the cruel Sea overwhelm'd the valiant Effort.†

A small Solace can be found in the Survival of Capt Wm HARRIS and eight of his Crew, who escap'd the foundered Betsy in the vessel's Long-Boate, and were recover'd, barely alive, by the Privateer Reck-Less. Lost and believed perish'd are First Mate A. Swallow, Purser Minchin, and Bo'sun Harker, and most poignantly, the belov'd Mascot of the Voyage, the Bull Terrier "Punch"; and, noting that their loss does out-weigh that of any material Goodes, we Grieve beside their Familie and Belov'd-Ones.

Word of the Disaster stunn'd Many who had assembl'd in Baltimore Town Green to bid in an Auction of the very Cargo that now lay Use-less on the bottom of the Ocean Atlantic. A Charitable Fund has been establish'd by the Prominent of Baltimore and this very Gazette to assist in the Compensation of the Victims of the Tragedy, crewe-men and Investors a-like, many of whom risk'd the Entirety of their Purses in the Endeavour, and have Families to support during this trying Time.

The Publisher of this News Paper wishes to assure the Publick that the Slavery Trade remains By and Large a gainful One, and this Set Back need only serve as a temporary Nuisance if Gentle Men of Commerce soundly ESCHEW the Impulse to panick. Demand for Bonded Labour has peak'd, and it is widely agreed that, though a minim of up-keep is sadly a Necessity, a Slave is an Excellent Value for the Money, as Divine Providence has seen to it that a Majority are Durable, Water Resistant, an' even Buoyant when not shackl'd, and their Masters derive much serviceable Use from them before their Expiration Dates, soon though many may Be.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close