adBlockCheck

48 Syrian Civilians Massacred During Claire Danes' Emmy Award Acceptance Speech

Top Headlines

Recent News

Charles Koch Orders Sniper To Fire Warning Shot Next To Marco Rubio On Debate Stage

GREENVILLE, SC—In response to the presidential candidate’s unsatisfactory answer to a question about the economic effects of environmental regulations, Koch Industries CEO Charles Koch reportedly ordered a sniper positioned in the rafters of the Greenville Peace Center to fire a warning shot near Marco Rubio’s podium during Saturday’s Republican debate.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Originality

48 Syrian Civilians Massacred During Claire Danes' Emmy Award Acceptance Speech

LOS ANGELES—According to sources in the war-torn country, 48 unarmed Syrians in the small town of Daraya were murdered by government forces while Homeland star Claire Danes accepted the award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series at the 64th annual Primetime Emmy Awards Sunday evening. “This is just an incredible evening, and an incredible honor,” said Danes, proudly holding up her Emmy just as a group of innocent men, women, and children were reportedly thrown against a wall and executed one by one by Syrian troops wielding high-powered assault rifles. “I wouldn’t be up here right now if it wasn’t for the support of my wonderful family—I love you all more than anything—as well as the absolutely amazing writers, cast, and crew of this show. And, of course, Howard Gordon and Alex Gansa, who have the unbelievable courage to put such a fearless and daring show on television. Thank you so much.” At press time, government soldiers were throwing the bloodied corpses of the civilians into a large mass grave as Lena Dunham was anxiously waiting to hear if Girls would win the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close