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Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

What Is Trump Hiding?

As The Onion’s 300,000 staffers in its news bureaus and manual labor camps around the world continue to pore through the immense trove of documents obtained from an anonymous White House source, the answers that are emerging to these questions are deeply unnerving and suggest grave outcomes for the American people, the current international order, Wolf Blitzer, four of the five Great Lakes, and most devastatingly, the nation’s lighthouses and lighthouse keepers.

Deep Blue Quietly Celebrates 10th Anniversary With Garry Kasparov’s Ex-Wife

PITTSBURGH—Red wine and candlelight on the table before them, Deep Blue, the supercomputer that defeated reigning world chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1997, and Kasparov’s ex-wife, Yulia Vovk, quietly celebrated their 10th anniversary on Wednesday at a small French restaurant near Carnegie Mellon University, where Deep Blue was created.
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48-Year-Old Man Actually Very Open To Dating 25-Year-Olds

Bogan, who says that while he knows it sounds crazy, he might even be willing to sleep with a 25-year-old woman on the first date. 
Bogan, who says that while he knows it sounds crazy, he might even be willing to sleep with a 25-year-old woman on the first date. 

WILMETTE, IL—Describing himself as "open-minded" and "very willing to try new things," 48-year-old law firm partner Richard Bogan told reporters Saturday that, as unconven­tional as it may sound, he's actually quite receptive to the idea of dating 25-year-old women.

"I know we wouldn't have very much in common and would probably have completely different values, but I think those are obstacles I would be able to overcome," said Bogan, who added that after giving the matter a lot of thought, he had to admit the concept of getting involved with an attractive woman in her mid-20s very much appealed to him. "While you might think I'd be embarrassed to be seen with someone young enough to be my daughter, at this point in my life, I'm comfortable enough with who I am not to care what people think about me."

"I'm not saying it's for everybody, but for me personally, if the opportunity came along to engage in a romantic relationship with a woman just a couple years out of college, I'd be willing to give it a shot," Bogan continued. "But hey, that's just me."

Bogan said he was "fully aware" there were many differences between himself and 25-year-old women, citing, in particular, their youthful temperaments, taut figures, and the more trendy, revealing clothing they often wear. However, despite such generational dissimilarities, Bogan confirmed he would still consider going out with someone that age.

In fact, Bogan stated he would likely be "totally fine with it," even if the young woman were Asian.

"Look, I understand that a far younger woman would have much less life experience and be in an inferior financial position, but I think I would still be okay with dating her," Bogan said. "You know, I actually have quite a bit of money, and I wouldn't be averse to spending some of it to keep her happy. Maybe I could take her on a luxurious vacation or pay for her to go shopping. Who knows? A 25-year-old woman might even find that enjoyable."

Recognizing that some men might be ashamed of a two- decade age difference or attempt to hide such a relationship, the middle-aged Chicago attorney said he would in many ways be proud, actually, to be seen alongside a gorgeous young woman. Bogan went on to say he would be very much willing to introduce a 25-year-old woman to his friends and colleagues, as well as spend time with her and her equally young female friends at trendy night spots.

"If she wanted me to try certain fashions that I would never in a million years choose for myself but that she thought made me more attractive—like wearing skintight shirts or growing out a goatee—I could probably make that work," Bogan said. "I'd also be willing to listen to music and attend concerts that would make a man of my age look completely out of place, if she wanted. I guess I'm just an easygoing guy in that way."

"I know, I know—a young, fit, 25-year-old yoga instructor seems like the last type of woman I'd be interested in," Bogan said while smiling and shaking his head. "But I am who I am, you know?"

According to Bogan, even if a 25-year-old were more sexually adventurous than he was accustomed to, he believed that would be something he could deal with.

While acknowledging he does not know how his feelings will evolve as the years pass, Bogan said he could see himself being open to dating 25-year-olds well into his 60s or 70s.

Bogan also mentioned that if things didn't work out with one 25-year-old, he wouldn't rule out trying it again.

"It sounds crazy, but a really, really good-looking twentysomething woman is actually a huge turn-on for me," Bogan said. "I can't quite put my finger on it, but it seems there's just something about intellectually unchallenging, fitter, more youthful-looking women that I'm very drawn to."

But regardless of his self-described "open-minded" approach toward dating, Bogan confirmed there were some characteristics in women he considered nonstarters.

"I've met a lot of 49- and 50-year-olds, and frankly, we just don't seem to connect," Bogan said. "There's no spark, no attraction. While it might work for other people, I'm personally not really open to the idea of dating older women."

"We all have our boundaries," Bogan added.

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