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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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49ers To Start Backup Coach

Frustrated by the ineffectiveness of head coach Mike Nolan, the 49ers organization announced Monday that backup coach Tom Gorzynski, a journeyman the team picked up off the coaching waiver wire in August, will make his first NFL start against the Falcons Sunday. "I just need to take advantage of this opportunity to show I can coach at this level," said Gorzynski, who has been making all coaching decisions for the 49ers practice squad this season. "I'm ready to take the reins and make the players make something happen. I just need to go out to the sideline and coach my own game plan. I know it's a huge responsibility, but I'm confident in my scheduling, managing, and delegating." Although Gorzynski feels his effort will be highly scrutinized, he said coaching PATs in preseason, as well as coaching several kneel-down plays late in the fourth quarter of games during the regular season, had given him unbridled confidence.

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