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Content From 2013-06-04

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 4, 2013

Aries Your radical new look will cause heads to turn, as complete strangers hurry to avoid eye contact with you. Taurus As you'll soon learn, there are scandals and then there are Scandals—depending on whether or n...

App Claims It Can 'Cure' Homosexuality In 60 Days

A free app created by the non-denominational Christian ministry Setting Captives Free that claimed it could release users from “the bondage of homosexuality” in 60 days was removed from the iTunes store after widespread public outcry.

Put A Ving On It

BRAVO 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT How long will it take the Tominski family to notice Ving Rhames is perched on the top bunk in the twins’ room? Find out tonight!

‘After Earth’ Bombs At Box Office

After Earth, a sci-fi adventure starring Will Smith and his son Jaden and featuring a Scientology-related narrative, took in just $27 million last weekend, a small fraction of its $135 million budget and the $100 million Sony spent on marketing.

Vain Galápagos Tortoise Trying To Pass For 90

TORTUGA BAY, GALAPAGOS­—Saying the aging reptile is “really embarrassing himself,” leading herpetologists expressed embarrassment Monday on behalf of Old Bill, a local giant tortoise who reportedly makes tremendous efforts to appear ...

Most Buzzed-About Kickstarter Campaigns

Last week, the popular crowdfunding website Kickstarter announced the launch of its 100,000th campaign, having collectively raised a total of $631 million in its three years in operation.

Lifeguard Hoping To Make Up For Last Summer

The U.S. Disc Jockey General urges Americans to get the Led out, a BuzzFeed writer resigns in disgrace after plagarizing '10 Llamas Who Wish They Were Models,' and the new and improved Google maps lets users launch missiles at any location on the globe.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

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