adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

5-Year-Old Alabama Boy Misses Fun 'Bunker Grandpa'

MIDLAND CITY, AL—Hours after an FBI raid freed him from the underground bunker where he had been held hostage for six days, 5-year-old Alabama boy Ethan told reporters that he already misses his fun, super-cool Bunker Grandpa. “Bunker Grandpa let me stay up all night and do whatever I want!” Ethan said Monday night, adding that he couldn’t wait to tell all his friends at school about getting to spend a week playing in an “awesome underground playhouse with [his] new best friend.” “He said I never had to go to school again, and as long as I was real quiet, he let me eat Skittles for dinner every night! I love Bunker Pop-Pop.” Ethan stated that the best part of the experience was when the 65-year-old kidnapper let him see a real gun “way up close.”

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close