adBlockCheck

Recent News

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
End Of Section
  • More News

5-Year-Old Alabama Boy Misses Fun 'Bunker Grandpa'

MIDLAND CITY, AL—Hours after an FBI raid freed him from the underground bunker where he had been held hostage for six days, 5-year-old Alabama boy Ethan told reporters that he already misses his fun, super-cool Bunker Grandpa. “Bunker Grandpa let me stay up all night and do whatever I want!” Ethan said Monday night, adding that he couldn’t wait to tell all his friends at school about getting to spend a week playing in an “awesome underground playhouse with [his] new best friend.” “He said I never had to go to school again, and as long as I was real quiet, he let me eat Skittles for dinner every night! I love Bunker Pop-Pop.” Ethan stated that the best part of the experience was when the 65-year-old kidnapper let him see a real gun “way up close.”

More from this section

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close