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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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5-Year-Old Critics Agree: Movie ‘Cars’ Only Gets Better After 40th Viewing

NEW YORK—According to a poll of 5-year-old film critics released Tuesday, the 2006 Disney-Pixar animated feature Cars only gets better after the 40th viewing. "The tow truck talks funny, and he has big teeth," said noted cinéaste Ramon Diaz, 5, adding that it takes at least 30 screenings before the film's message of friendship achieves full resonance. "Let's watch it again!" The poll's respondents also agreed that Willie Wonka And The Chocolate Factory is a weird and scary film they wish their parents would stop trying to make them watch.

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