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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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5-Year-Old Feels Like She Just Wasted Whole Carousel Ride Waving To Dad

COLUMBUS, OH—Local 5-year-old Kimberly Hanson confirmed Sunday she regrets having spent the entirety of a recent carousel ride waving to her nearby father instead of taking in the full range of sights and sounds offered by the amusement park ride. "There I was on this huge merry-go-round, riding a beautiful purple horse as lights sparkled and happy music played, but when I saw my dad, I just couldn’t stop waving,” said the kindergartner, telling reporters she “completely missed” the carousel’s scenic 360-degree view of the state fairgrounds. "I should have just let myself enjoy the moment. Now I’ll never have an opportunity like that again.” At press time, sources confirmed a weeping Hanson appeared adequately placated by various fried foods on sticks.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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