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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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6-Year-Old Becomes First Child To Complete Solo Ride Around Block

SPRINGFIELD, MA—In a daring feat of circumnavigation never before attempted, 6-year-old Connor Damrush successfully completed a circuit of the 2500 block of Parker Drive early Saturday morning, silencing naysayers who had called it impossible. "We maintained walkie-talkie contact with him for most of the journey, but Connor went into radio silence shortly after turning onto Orchard Street," said Mission Control specialist Dougie O'Neill, 5. "It was tense for a few minutes there, but boy, did we all breathe a sigh of relief when we saw that red trike come around that corner." Among the sights Connor reported from the far side of the block were his school's flagpole, a Dunkin' Donuts sign, and a garbage truck.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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