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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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6-Year-Old Becomes First Child To Complete Solo Ride Around Block

SPRINGFIELD, MA—In a daring feat of circumnavigation never before attempted, 6-year-old Connor Damrush successfully completed a circuit of the 2500 block of Parker Drive early Saturday morning, silencing naysayers who had called it impossible. "We maintained walkie-talkie contact with him for most of the journey, but Connor went into radio silence shortly after turning onto Orchard Street," said Mission Control specialist Dougie O'Neill, 5. "It was tense for a few minutes there, but boy, did we all breathe a sigh of relief when we saw that red trike come around that corner." Among the sights Connor reported from the far side of the block were his school's flagpole, a Dunkin' Donuts sign, and a garbage truck.

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