adBlockCheck

6-Year-Old Boy Thinks He Might Be Too Old To Be In Women's Locker Room

Top Headlines

Recent News

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.

Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.

What’s At Stake In New Hampshire

With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

6-Year-Old Boy Thinks He Might Be Too Old To Be In Women's Locker Room

STAMFORD, CT—Admitting to a growing sense of unease, 6-year-old Zachary Barrett confided to reporters Monday that he might be getting too old to continue accompanying his mother into the women's locker room at the local gym. "I'm at that age now where every time I'm surrounded by grown, half-naked women I don't even know, I think to myself, 'What am I doing here? This isn't right,'" said Barrett, who called the situation "kind of creepy on a number of levels." "What's my mom thinking? I'm not three anymore, for God's sake—I know what's going on now, and frankly, I really don't appreciate standing around awkwardly for 10, 15 minutes trying to pretend I don't feel incredibly uncomfortable. What's worse, I can tell the women are starting to feel awkward being naked around me, too." Barrett later confirmed that while he was certain he didn't belong in the locker room, he could probably endure another visit if it meant catching one last glimpse of that yoga instructor's fantastic tits.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close