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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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62-Year-Old Colt Wins Belmont Stakes Senior Event

ELMONT, NY—Dark Star, the colt best known for his victory at the 1953 Kentucky Derby, made it to the winner's circle once again Friday, when the 62-year-old earned his fifth victory in the Senior Belmont Stakes. "He's not the kind of horse you're ever going to retire. He's a competitor," said jockey Felix Meneses, who led Dark Star to the win in a record 34 minutes and 19 seconds. "He tried to lie down and sleep there for a while on the backstretch, but once I got the whip into him, he was good to go. I mean, his breathing was kind of ragged and he was leaning against the rail the whole time, but he wanted this win, and he got it." Three of the 10 horses in the field, including 1941 Triple Crown winner Whirlaway, perished from exhaustion during the running.

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