66-Year-Old 'Washington Post' Reporter Hopes He Liveblogged State Of The Union Right

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Vol 49 Issue 07

Child Assured It Will Be Long Time Before He Dies

COLUMBUS, OH—Shortly after inquiring about his own mortality last night, distraught local child Eli Heffernan, 8, reportedly received assurances from both his parents that while he would indeed die, it would not be for a long, long time.

Pentagon To Award Medals To Drone Pilots

The Pentagon announced the creation of a noncombat award for pilots of drone aircraft and cyber warfare specialists, drawing ire from veterans’ groups, as the new honor would rank higher than the Purple Heart and Bronze Star for distinguished battle...

Highlights From Michael Jordan's Personal Life

With Michael Jordan turning 50 on February 17, Onion Sports examines the greatest moments from the former NBA superstar’s private life.  1969: Upon witnessing a group of neighborhood kids play a pickup basketball game, a 6-year-o...
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66-Year-Old 'Washington Post' Reporter Hopes He Liveblogged State Of The Union Right

WASHINGTON—Following his coverage of the president’s State of the Union address Tuesday night, Washington Post senior reporter Ed Karl, 66, said he’s just going to hope he liveblogged the speech correctly, sources confirmed. “The page is pretty long, so I think I did enough posts—how many posts are these things supposed to have again?” Karl, a reporter and political correspondent for the national newspaper since 1971, said to colleagues as he scrolled over a 300-word entry entitled “#SOTU 2013: Best Ways to Watch.” “I tried to put a bunch of photos and updates on there, plus some tweets and jiffs or whatever. I don’t know. Looks like a liveblog to me.” At press time, editors had commended Karl on his work and encouraged him to link to it on his Facebook page.

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