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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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66-Year-Old 'Washington Post' Reporter Hopes He Liveblogged State Of The Union Right

WASHINGTON—Following his coverage of the president’s State of the Union address Tuesday night, Washington Post senior reporter Ed Karl, 66, said he’s just going to hope he liveblogged the speech correctly, sources confirmed. “The page is pretty long, so I think I did enough posts—how many posts are these things supposed to have again?” Karl, a reporter and political correspondent for the national newspaper since 1971, said to colleagues as he scrolled over a 300-word entry entitled “#SOTU 2013: Best Ways to Watch.” “I tried to put a bunch of photos and updates on there, plus some tweets and jiffs or whatever. I don’t know. Looks like a liveblog to me.” At press time, editors had commended Karl on his work and encouraged him to link to it on his Facebook page.

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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

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