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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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6th-Grade Teacher Seen Making Out With GameStop Dude

BETHESDA, MD—Multiple reports Monday morning indicated that Van Buren Middle School teacher Ms. Emeling was totally seen making out with that dude from GameStop with the big sideburns. “We were at the movie theater, and there’s my teacher waiting in line for tickets with the guy from GameStop—and then he just started going to town on her,” said sixth-grader Max Werner, grimacing as he confirmed that they were kissing with tongue. “Are they dating or something? How does she even know him? She can’t have an Xbox. Ms. Emeling’s, like, almost 30.” During recess today, sixth-grade students reportedly gathered to discuss which of them would ask their teacher if she could get them an advance copy of Call Of Duty: Black Ops II.

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