adBlockCheck

Recent News

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
End Of Section
  • More News

6th-Grade Teacher Seen Making Out With GameStop Dude

BETHESDA, MD—Multiple reports Monday morning indicated that Van Buren Middle School teacher Ms. Emeling was totally seen making out with that dude from GameStop with the big sideburns. “We were at the movie theater, and there’s my teacher waiting in line for tickets with the guy from GameStop—and then he just started going to town on her,” said sixth-grader Max Werner, grimacing as he confirmed that they were kissing with tongue. “Are they dating or something? How does she even know him? She can’t have an Xbox. Ms. Emeling’s, like, almost 30.” During recess today, sixth-grade students reportedly gathered to discuss which of them would ask their teacher if she could get them an advance copy of Call Of Duty: Black Ops II.

More from this section

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close