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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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6th-Grade Teacher Seen Making Out With GameStop Dude

BETHESDA, MD—Multiple reports Monday morning indicated that Van Buren Middle School teacher Ms. Emeling was totally seen making out with that dude from GameStop with the big sideburns. “We were at the movie theater, and there’s my teacher waiting in line for tickets with the guy from GameStop—and then he just started going to town on her,” said sixth-grader Max Werner, grimacing as he confirmed that they were kissing with tongue. “Are they dating or something? How does she even know him? She can’t have an Xbox. Ms. Emeling’s, like, almost 30.” During recess today, sixth-grade students reportedly gathered to discuss which of them would ask their teacher if she could get them an advance copy of Call Of Duty: Black Ops II.

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