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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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7-Eleven Shareholders Approve Sale Of Busch Light Six-Pack

DALLAS—A majority of 7-Eleven shareholders approved a $4.35 buyout offer Tuesday from Dean Lindell, 23, for a six-pack of Busch Light beer. "It took a bit longer than expected to hammer out the legal details of the deal," said 7-Eleven CEO Joseph DePinto, referring to a momentary impasse that was resolved when Lindell provided documentation proving he was of drinking age. "But we were able to successfully close on it, and I'm happy to report 7-Eleven is currently in talks with a woman from Newark for an as-yet undetermined amount of beef jerky." Some shareholders opposed to the deal claim 7-Eleven was shortchanged when Lindell siphoned funds from the take-a-penny, leave-a-penny tray to complete the sale.

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