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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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7-Eleven Shareholders Approve Sale Of Busch Light Six-Pack

DALLAS—A majority of 7-Eleven shareholders approved a $4.35 buyout offer Tuesday from Dean Lindell, 23, for a six-pack of Busch Light beer. "It took a bit longer than expected to hammer out the legal details of the deal," said 7-Eleven CEO Joseph DePinto, referring to a momentary impasse that was resolved when Lindell provided documentation proving he was of drinking age. "But we were able to successfully close on it, and I'm happy to report 7-Eleven is currently in talks with a woman from Newark for an as-yet undetermined amount of beef jerky." Some shareholders opposed to the deal claim 7-Eleven was shortchanged when Lindell siphoned funds from the take-a-penny, leave-a-penny tray to complete the sale.

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