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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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76ers Ask Knicks If They Want To Be In Rivalry With Them

PHILADELPHIA—Considering the teams share a division, come from major metropolitan areas in relative proximity to one another, and the fact that it would just be nice to have a little something extra to play for, the Philadelphia 76ers reportedly asked the New York Knicks to be their rivals Monday. "Could be kind of fun, right?" said 76ers forward Elton Brand, adding that his team can be the rivalry's underdog or vice versa, it doesn't really matter to him. "I don't know, maybe during our next game one of us can foul you hard, and then you can get up in our faces and taunt our fans later on in the game? It doesn't matter how it starts. We'll make sure to say we hate you at the post-game press conference. You know, like a rivalry. We think people are really going to get into this." Upon seeing new Knicks star Carmelo Anthony walk into the room, the 76ers pushed a reluctant Andre Iguodala up to him and forced Iguodala to brashly guarantee a win the next time they play.

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