adBlockCheck

After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
End Of Section
  • More News

7th Heaven Celebrates 100th Underage Drinking Episode

LOS ANGELES—The producers of long-running family drama 7th Heaven have announced its 100th landmark episode dealing with underage drinking. "We're proud that we're starting our first season on the new CW network with a storyline we've virtually perfected: the gravely serious problem of kids getting their hands on alcohol," Executive Producer and series creator Brenda Hampton said. "This time around, the Camdens learn a valuable lesson in forgiveness when Sam and David, the 7-year-old twins, are caught drinking Aqua Net straight from the spray-can cap." The episode will be immediately followed by a rebroadcast of the series' 100th episode concerning premarital sex.

After Birth

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close