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Scientists Discover 99% Of NFL Players’ Brains Slimy

SEATTLE—In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players’ brains are slimy.
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8-Year-Old Little Leaguer, 31-Year-Old Professional Given Same Hitting Advice

PHILADELPHIA—8-year-old Easton, PA Little Leaguer Tyler Jenson and 31-year-old professional baseball player Pat Burrell were given identical tips on improving their swings and properly hitting a baseball Monday night. "Remember to keep your elbow up, keep your knees bent, and keep your eye on the ball," said both 45-year-old hardware-store manager and father of three Dale Kremke and retired Major League Baseball veteran of 18 years Milt Thompson to the two struggling hitters. "Watch the ball out of the pitcher's hand, and just meet the ball with the bat. Come on, now, just takes one." Both Burrell and Jenson struck out in their next at bat and returned to their respective dugouts in tears.

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