8-Year-Old Palestinian Boy Pleasantly Surprised He Hasn't Been Killed Yet

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Vol 48 Issue 47

Just A Gray TV Screen

Just A Gray TV Screen (PBS) 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST The highly anticipated American debut adapted from the British hit Just A Grey Telly Screen.

Cash Cab

Discovery 5 p.m. EST/4 p.m. CST A passenger in a deepening state of anaphylactic shock is unable to answer the three trivia questions posed to him and is consequently kicked out of the taxi eight blocks shy of Beth Israel’s emergency room.

Not A Shithole

It’s not a shithole. Sure, it could use some work, the plumbing’s not great, and there might be a foundation issue, but come on, a shithole? Why does everyone keep saying that?
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

8-Year-Old Palestinian Boy Pleasantly Surprised He Hasn't Been Killed Yet

GAZA CITY—As civilian casualties continue to mount amid the escalating conflict along the Gaza Strip, 8-year-old Palestinian boy Walid Suleiman expressed both joy and astonishment Monday that he has yet to be killed in an Israeli military attack. “Boy, I thought I’d be dead by this past Saturday for sure, but amazingly enough, here I am,” said Suleiman, adding that he is “pleased, but pretty shocked” not to be among the estimated 100 Palestinians left dead by widespread Israeli airstrikes in the region over the past six days. “I’d have bet you anything that by today they’d have already dug my corpse out from underneath a giant pile of rubble and buried me alongside the rest of my family. Guess I won the lottery, eh?” At press time, incoming Israeli aircraft could be heard swiftly approaching as Suleiman limped back to his home.

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