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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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'95-'96 Prayers Finally Answered

HEAVEN—Explaining that He had been "absolutely swamped," God announced yesterday that He was finally able to find time in His busy schedule to answer a portion of the 1995 and 1996 prayer backlog.

"Unfortunately, I don't really want a red wagon anymore," 18-year-old Morgantown, WV resident Zach Gilpin said. Others expressed similar displeasure, including 30-year-old accountant Jack Demont, who said that former classmate and high school cheerleader Heidi Stillman's repeated phone calls to his house are "destroying" his marriage.

Other prayers that were answered include Christopher Reeve's 1996 wish to walk again, the Pittsburgh Steelers' prayer on the sidelines prior to playing the Dallas Cowboys in Super Bowl XXX, and former office manager Jeff Watenhofer's request for cheap leather chairs for PNC Bank's 53rd-floor office inside the World Trade Center.

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