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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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95-Year-Old Yankees Fan Afraid He'll Never Get To See Team Win 27 More World Series

NEW YORK–Michael Grippo, a 95-year-old Bronx native, told reporters Wednesday that he is "worried sick" that he won't live to see the Yankees win another 27 World Series titles. "We came so close in 1955, 1960, 1976, 2001, and 2004. If we had won just one of those, that would have been 27 right there," said Grippo, adding that while he was in attendance for Tommy Henrich's walk-off homer in 1949, Don Larson's perfect game in 1956, and Mickey Mantle's game-ending home run in 1964, none of it will matter if the Yankees don't win at least another 27 World Series championships. "I'll say this, if we could take home 27 championships just one more time, my soul will rest easy." Grippo said that, if nothing else, he hoped his six children and 21 grandchildren would get to see the Yankees win just 1,396 more World Series in their lifetimes.

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