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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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'A Cashier At Our Davenport Location Did What?' Disgusted Sbarro CEO Asks

MELVILLE, NY—Following an update Friday on the status of the chain's 238 pizzerias throughout the Midwest region, witnesses said Sbarro CEO James Greco disgustedly sighed, shook his head, and said, "A cashier at our Davenport location did what?" "You've got to be kidding me," continued a visibly deflated Greco, asking who was responsible for hiring the employee in question, whether the cashier had been told that what he did was absolutely unacceptable, and whether any customers saw. "Jesus. Okay, well, did they clean it up? And what about the smell? Is it gone?" After reportedly asking his colleagues what excuse the cashier could have possibly given for doing what he did, Greco stopped his associates before they could answer and said, "You know what? I don't even want to know."

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