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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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A Classic Jason Somehow Gets Mixed Into Area Man's Anecdote Collection

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—While regaling guests at a house party Saturday, 31-year-old Phil Carver acknowledged that a classic Jason had somehow found its way into his usual repertoire of personal anecdotes. "I was halfway through the story when I realized, 'Hey, what am I saying? This is definitely a Jason I'm telling right now,"' said Carver, who was "baffled" as to how he had missed the telltale marks of a classic Jason and mistaken it for his own. "I felt especially bad because it was the road-trip-through-Tennessee-back-in- college Jason, which is a signature Jason through and through." After Carver went home, several partygoers were overheard remarking that the embarrassing faux pas was vintage Phil.

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