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20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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A Closer Look At Biden's New Bodyguards

Earlier this week Vice President Joe Biden replaced his traditional Secret Service detail with a team of sexy female bodyguards. This morning the White House released these bios of the women Biden calls "Joe’s Guardian Vixens."

AZURA MOON, Martial Arts Master
The youngest daughter of a royal family in Malaysia, Azura Moon should have been raised as a princess. However, Azura's natural inclination for adventure led her to frequently sneak out of her family's palace at night to wander the streets of Kuala Lumpur's dangerous slums. After falling in with a gang of thieves and pulling off several daring heists, Azura was eventually arrested after being sold out to the authorities by the gang's leader, with whom she was in love. Azura's powerful father used his clout to save her from being imprisoned in a brutal work camp, instead opting to send her to a secluded monastery in the mountains where she could learn discipline. There she trained under Haji Musa bin Osman, a legendary martial arts expert rumored to be nearly 200 years old. After competing in and winning numerous martial arts tournaments – the last of which was a battle to the death against her traitorous former lover – she was summoned to America by Vice President Joe Biden.

HERA RODRIGUEZ, Champion Lightweight Boxer
Boxing has been a part of Hera Rodriguez's life literally since birth: Her mother delivered her ringside in her family's small boxing gym in Buesaco, Colombia. As soon as she could walk Hera began sparring, devoting every moment she was not in school to becoming a champion lightweight boxer. But when she was 15, Hera's life took a sudden left turn: The deadly Tulio drug cartel moved into her neighborhood and began shaking down shopowners for protection money. After Hera's father refused to be bullied, the cartel burned Hera's beloved family boxing gym to the ground. Enraged, Hera used her boxing skills to cut a swath of destruction through the cartel's ranks, eventually liberating her neighborhood from its stranglehold. On the night of the grand opening of her family's newly rebuilt boxing gym, a mysterious government agent from the U.S. arrived at Hera's doorstep, asking her to accept a new challenge: protecting Vice President Joe Biden.

VIVICA CLAY, Sharpshooter, Demolitions Expert
Born in St. Petersburg, Vivica's parents were murdered in front of her by the Russian Mafia when she was only 11 years old. Vowing revenge, she sought out a mysterious ex-KGB operative known only as Valentin who taught her the ways of the assassin. After years in training, Vivica turned her deadly skills on the gangsters who killed her family, taking them down one by one before finally confronting and slaying the Mafia kingpin in a rooftop sword fight. Her parents' deaths finally avenged, Vivica moved to the U.S. to begin working for Vice President Joe Biden.

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