A Message From FBI Agent Lucas Emerson

In This Section

Content From 2008-11-05

KLEMKE WINS!

WICHITA, KS—Democrat Alan Klemke Becomes Wichita's 4th District Alderman.

Bush: 'Can I Stop Being President Now?'

WASHINGTON—In a press conference held this morning on the White House lawn, President Bush formally asked the assembled press corps and members of his own administration if, in light of today's election, he could stop being the...

Jackson 5 To Reunite

Jermaine Jackson announced that the Jackson 5 is reuniting for a tour in 2009. What do you think?

At The Movies

ABC 10 a.m. EDT/9 a.m. CDT As former cohost Roger Ebert's curse starts to take effect, a light crashes to the ground from the rigging above, narrowly missing new cohost Ben Lyons.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

A Message From FBI Agent Lucas Emerson

To Whom It May Concern:

This political blog, normally authored by one Kendra Davidson, will immediately cease publication effective this post. As many of you may know, Ms. Davidson has been detained at Guantanamo Bay Naval Base following a series of coordinated attacks on Senators John McCain and Barack Obama, the most recent of which involved attempting to jettison a food product she referred to as "Swing State Fish 'N' Chips" into their respective campaign headquarters using a crude homemade cannon constructed of PVC piping and a butane triggering system. The payloads from these two attacks are currently being analyzed for any possible chemical or biological agents.

Anyone with any information pertaining to this investigation is urged to come forward.

Thank you,

FBI Agent Lucas Emerson

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More