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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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A Message From FBI Agent Lucas Emerson

To Whom It May Concern:

This political blog, normally authored by one Kendra Davidson, will immediately cease publication effective this post. As many of you may know, Ms. Davidson has been detained at Guantanamo Bay Naval Base following a series of coordinated attacks on Senators John McCain and Barack Obama, the most recent of which involved attempting to jettison a food product she referred to as "Swing State Fish 'N' Chips" into their respective campaign headquarters using a crude homemade cannon constructed of PVC piping and a butane triggering system. The payloads from these two attacks are currently being analyzed for any possible chemical or biological agents.

Anyone with any information pertaining to this investigation is urged to come forward.

Thank you,

FBI Agent Lucas Emerson

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