A-Rod Asks Jeter 'Is This Heaven?' While Playing Game Of Catch

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Vol 44 Issue 23

Clinton Suspends Campaign

While keeping her delegates, Hillary Clinton has suspended her campaign to be the Democratic nominee, leaving Barack Obama the party's presumptive...

Terrible Idea Committed To Paper

SECAUCUS, NJ—Sales supervisor Justin Henry stopped in the middle of a busy sidewalk Monday, obstructing the paths of 15 pedestrians as he...

Ed McMahon May Lose House

After falling behind in payments, former Tonight Show sidekick Ed McMahon is in danger of losing his $6.25 million home. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

A-Rod Asks Jeter 'Is This Heaven?' While Playing Game Of Catch

NEW YORK—While warming up on the Yankee Stadium sidelines before Tuesday's game, Alex Rodriguez paused, looked up at the clear blue sky and the thousands of cheering fans in attendance, turned to Derek Jeter, and invoked a classic line from the 1989 film Field Of Dreams. "Hey, Derek?" Rodriguez said, inhaling deeply to convey a sense of wonderment and gesturing woodenly to the thick, green grass below his feet. "Is this heaven?" According to witnesses, Jeter chuckled mildly and then muttered "Fucking loser" under his breath.
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