adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
End Of Section
  • More News

A-Rod Checks Beckett Baseball Card Monthly To See If Rookie Card Went Up

NEW YORK—On a recent visit to a local mall with his wife and children, Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez entered a sports memorabilia store and flipped through a copy of Beckett Baseball Card Monthly to see if his recent trip to the disabled list had any effect on the price of his rookie card. "I mean, it's not career-ending, but it could spell a tragically early end to a great career, right?" muttered Rodriguez as he ran his finger across the pages, cross-referencing his name against various baseball card manufacturers. "Topps is up, but that's just a typical monthly increase. Upper Deck's got a high book of $40? Now that's just insulting. And Fleer—Fleer didn't even move at all? Goddamn Fleer." While at the store, Rodriguez purchased an autographed photo of himself hitting his 500th homerun and a novelty street sign reading Alex Rodriguez Way.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close