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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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A-Rod Finally Leads Rangers To World Series

ARLINGTON, TX—Ten years after signing a record $252 million contract to play baseball in Texas, third baseman Alex Rodriguez finally delivered for the Rangers by leading the franchise to its first-ever World Series. "A-Rod came up big for us this entire series, all the way up until the last out," Rangers manager Ron Washington told reporters during a postgame press conference, saying that the Rangers would have had no chance of beating the New York Yankees without Rodriguez's remarkable performance at the plate. "It was a long time coming, but you have to give the guy credit. He was the Rangers' MVP, no question." Washington added that seeing Rodriguez take Texas to the World Series was one thing, but A-Rod almost single-handedly beating the Yankees was "extra sweet."

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