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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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A-Rod Incredibly Humbled To Be Mentioned Alongside All-Time Greats Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, Jose Canseco

NEW YORK—Saying the comparisons are “unbelievably flattering,” New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez told reporters Friday that he is extremely humbled to currently be mentioned in the same breath as all-time baseball greats Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, and Jose Canseco. “When you talk about the likes of Bonds, McGwire, and Canseco, you’re talking about some of the best hitters who ever played the game, and to be in the same company as those players is pretty incredible,” said Rodriguez, adding that “it’s a true honor” to also be likened to other sports icons such as cyclist Lance Armstrong and Olympic sprinter Ben Johnson. “I’ve seen some people put me up there with [Sammy] Sosa and Manny [Ramirez], and I really don’t know what to say. These guys are baseball legends—heroes, really—and hearing my name said alongside theirs is pretty overwhelming.” Rodriguez later admitted to sources that he doesn’t understand the comparisons between himself and Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun, claiming that he’s “a totally different player.”

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