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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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A-Rod: 'Maybe Everyone Will Let This One Slide'

MIAMI—One week after the revelation that Alex Rodriguez had tested positive for steroids in 2003 and days after Rodriguez confirmed the allegations by admitting to using banned substances, the Yankee slugger was hopeful that the issue would pass without too much of a fuss. "Sure, I've gotten blasted for my failure in the clutch, and people on the street still taunt me for slapping the ball out of that guy's hand, but maybe they'll let me go on the whole taking-steroids-for-years thing," the embattled third baseman said from his Florida home. "You never know. Steroids stuff happens all the time, plus I haven't upstaged a World Series in months and I've kept my continued extramarital affair with [international pop star] Madonna on the back burner, so I think I've earned a break. Yeah, this will all blow over in a day or two." Rodriguez then turned off his television, threw all his newspapers in the garbage without looking at them, and retreated to his unlit and silent basement.

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