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A-Rod Shows Minor Leaguers Proper Way To Put Down Teammates

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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A-Rod Shows Minor Leaguers Proper Way To Put Down Teammates

TAMPA, FL—A week into his rehabilitation stint with the minor league Tampa Yankees, third baseman Alex Rodriguez reportedly impressed his new teammates Wednesday by sharing valuable tips about proper technique for putting each other down. “To alienate players at a major league level, you have to be active and aggressive about creating hostility toward them with a wide variety of disparaging remarks,” Rodriguez said to the dugout full of wide-eyed minor leaguers eagerly absorbing every word of his advice. “Stay focused on escalating pointless, petty squabbles as much as you can, and pretty soon you’ll see yourself getting involved in longer, more vicious disputes. The most important thing is that, deep down, you’re a bitter and hateful person. That’s something you can’t coach.” Tampa catcher Tyson Blaser confirmed that after practice, Rodriguez offered to take everyone except pitcher Rafael De Paula out to dinner and explain some subtle tactics for starting feuds.

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