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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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A-Rod Shows Minor Leaguers Proper Way To Put Down Teammates

TAMPA, FL—A week into his rehabilitation stint with the minor league Tampa Yankees, third baseman Alex Rodriguez reportedly impressed his new teammates Wednesday by sharing valuable tips about proper technique for putting each other down. “To alienate players at a major league level, you have to be active and aggressive about creating hostility toward them with a wide variety of disparaging remarks,” Rodriguez said to the dugout full of wide-eyed minor leaguers eagerly absorbing every word of his advice. “Stay focused on escalating pointless, petty squabbles as much as you can, and pretty soon you’ll see yourself getting involved in longer, more vicious disputes. The most important thing is that, deep down, you’re a bitter and hateful person. That’s something you can’t coach.” Tampa catcher Tyson Blaser confirmed that after practice, Rodriguez offered to take everyone except pitcher Rafael De Paula out to dinner and explain some subtle tactics for starting feuds.

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