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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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A-Rod Warns Accusers It'll Be Their Word Against His

'Who Do You Think They’re Going To Believe?' Says Rodriguez

NEW YORK—Following recent reports linking him to a Miami-based clinic supplying performance-enhancing drugs, Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez reportedly warned accusers Tuesday that if they testified against him in court, it would come down to their “worthless” word against his. “Your reputation versus my reputation, bud. Good fucking luck,” the 37-year-old veteran was overheard whispering to a source cited in a New York Times article alleging that Rodriguez doped. “Face it: No one’s even going to listen to you. Put yourself in the jury’s shoes. Who are you gonna believe? A couple of punk doctors or me, Alex Rodriguez? Gotta say, I don’t like your chances.” Rodriguez then reportedly gave the man a menacing look and said that if all else failed, he had an entire city of loyal fans willing to do anything for him.

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