A-Rod Warns Accusers It'll Be Their Word Against His

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Vol 49 Issue 18

Tuesday, May 14

Author and ecologist Michael Strandley will be at the Cameron Library on Tuesday discussing his lifelong work with bears and why he thinks they’re overrated.

No One In Limo Going To Prom With The One They Wanted

INDEPENDENCE, MO—None of the six students in the white stretch limousine presently en route to Harry Truman High School’s senior prom are attending the event with the person they wanted to be their date, sources reported this evening.
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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

A-Rod Warns Accusers It'll Be Their Word Against His

'Who Do You Think They’re Going To Believe?' Says Rodriguez

NEW YORK—Following recent reports linking him to a Miami-based clinic supplying performance-enhancing drugs, Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez reportedly warned accusers Tuesday that if they testified against him in court, it would come down to their “worthless” word against his. “Your reputation versus my reputation, bud. Good fucking luck,” the 37-year-old veteran was overheard whispering to a source cited in a New York Times article alleging that Rodriguez doped. “Face it: No one’s even going to listen to you. Put yourself in the jury’s shoes. Who are you gonna believe? A couple of punk doctors or me, Alex Rodriguez? Gotta say, I don’t like your chances.” Rodriguez then reportedly gave the man a menacing look and said that if all else failed, he had an entire city of loyal fans willing to do anything for him.

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