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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Aaron Baddeley Wins Tournament Tiger Woods Would Have Won Had He Been There

HILTON HEAD ISLAND, SC—Golf analyst Johnny Miller called Aaron Baddeley's first-place 15-under performance at the Verizon Heritage golf tournament a good effort, but nothing compared to what Tiger Woods would have done had he been there. "Tiger would have easily shot 21-under, maybe even 23-under because there was so little wind," Miller said to Baddeley during a post-round interview. "Aaron, Tiger would have eagled that long par five and driven the green on that par four, and he would have definitely made that putt you missed on number 12. But, I guess that's just Tiger being Tiger." Baddeley accepted defeat, saying that coming in second to Woods in a tournament in which Woods did not in fact play is no dishonor, and that he would send Woods the majority of the first-place check, minus travel and lodging expenses.

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