Aaron Rodgers

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Vol 47 Issue 05

Tom Becker's Testimony

The Supreme Court recently ruled that the First Amendment no longer applied to idiotic blowhard, Tom Becker.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Aaron Rodgers

STRENGTHS: Sees the field almost too well, so is sometimes distracted by unevenly cut grass or poorly painted on-field lines; best time-out calling mechanics in NFL; uses mobility and quick feet to escape shadow of Brett Favre

WEAKNESSES: Your knees, when you stare directly into his piercing eyes; for unknown reasons, many of his pass attempts are met with hostility by certain other football players who attempt to obstruct the ball or even physically assault Rodgers himself; can make all the throws, but struggles with the incomplete pass

PERSONAL MOTTO: Work hard, be born with incredible talent, never give up, also be born with charming good looks, be a good teammate, have several million dollars, and good things will happen to you

FAVORITE PLAY: The one where you don't hear a loud pop and then black out for 30 seconds

CONCUSSIONS SUFFERED: Waffles and freshly squeezed orange juice; Lake Superior; sort of a shiny purple

NEXT: Donald Driver

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