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Aaron Rodgers

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Aaron Rodgers

STRENGTHS: Sees the field almost too well, so is sometimes distracted by unevenly cut grass or poorly painted on-field lines; best time-out calling mechanics in NFL; uses mobility and quick feet to escape shadow of Brett Favre

WEAKNESSES: Your knees, when you stare directly into his piercing eyes; for unknown reasons, many of his pass attempts are met with hostility by certain other football players who attempt to obstruct the ball or even physically assault Rodgers himself; can make all the throws, but struggles with the incomplete pass

PERSONAL MOTTO: Work hard, be born with incredible talent, never give up, also be born with charming good looks, be a good teammate, have several million dollars, and good things will happen to you

FAVORITE PLAY: The one where you don't hear a loud pop and then black out for 30 seconds

CONCUSSIONS SUFFERED: Waffles and freshly squeezed orange juice; Lake Superior; sort of a shiny purple

NEXT: Donald Driver

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