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Entertainment

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

ABC Cancels Yeltsin!

LOS ANGELES—ABC announced Monday that it is cancelling Yeltsin!, the struggling two-year-old sitcom starring Russian president Boris Yeltsin.

Though network executives did not give a reason for the cancellation, it is believed that Yeltsin's poor comedic skills—including his oafish, mistimed delivery of his character's catchphrase, "You got that right, sister!"—were to blame.

Writers for the show were also frustrated by the star's frequent comas, which made it "nearly impossible" for the Russian premier to memorize his lines.

"Sooner or later," Entertainment Weekly television critic Owen McCready said, "the stress of doing 26 shows a year portraying a divorced father of three who moves to Pittsburgh to start a new life, in addition to having to lead Russia, was bound to take its toll."

Yeltsin!, which also stars comedian Mark Curry and former 227 star Jackée, debuted in September 1995, touted by ABC as the cornerstone of its much-hyped Tuesday-night line-up. Though the show's debut episode finished third in the Nielsens, it has since slipped dramatically, tying for 54th this past week with CBS's Everybody Loves Raymond.

Until a replacement show can be found, Yeltsin!'s 8:30 time slot will be filled with classic episodes of Madam's Place, the irreverent early-'80s comedy featuring the bawdy humor of wise-cracking puppet Madam and a supporting cast that includes sexy redhead Judy Landers as Madam's comely niece.

Yeltsin! producers were surprised that the show's ratings continued to drop this season, in light of the September 1996 addition of Bosnian leader Slobodan Milosevic to the cast.

"We thought, if the public isn't responding to a Russian political leader in a light-comedy setting, why not 'up the ante,' so to speak, by giving them a Bosnian one as well," executive producer Barbara Baum said. "Apparently, though, the addition of Milosevic to the show's already-impressive supporting cast was a case of 'too little, too late.' It's sad when you put your all into a project, only to see it end like this."

Many television industry insiders say the writing was on the wall for Yeltsin! in April 1996, when the star mysteriously disappeared for several weeks, with an explanation written into the show's scripts that he had "just gone down to the store for a loaf of bread."

Yeltsin's ballyhooed return came in the May 3 episode, in which he walked into the apartment carrying several bags of loaves, exclaiming, "Whew! Now that's a lot of bread, you got that right, sister!" to resounding applause from the studio audience. Many observers, however, felt that the show's producers had not adequately explained his absence from the storyline and suspected them of trying to hide a more serious problem with the program's ailing star.

Baum denies this. "There's no truth to the rumor that Boris was unable to fulfill his television obligations due to a series of top-secret surgeries to remove eaten stage props from his stomach," she said. "The tabloids love that kind of stuff, and I'm sure it sells papers, but it's just not true."

Baum also denied persistent rumors that Yeltsin is involved romantically with Alyssa Milano, his co-star in the 1995 made-for-TV movie Exchange Student 2: Junior Year Abroad.

Yeltsin himself remains optimistic, both about his show-business future and the future of Russia. In a videotaped message from his oxygen-tented sickbed near Gdansk, Yeltsin smiled warmly to reporters, saying, "I hope my fans will all tune in to see me, TV's Yeltsin, in my upcoming role as host of Sightings on the Sci-Fi Channel, debuting in March. The future of Russia has never looked better, and her people have never been stronger or happier. I am strong as an ox. There will be no need for any coup or other governmental overthrow. This has been a recording."

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