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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Abortion Doctor's Murder Sparks Waves Of Calm, Rational Discussion

WICHITA, KS—The cold-blooded murder of late-term abortion doctor George Tiller, 67, who was gunned down last week by a pro-life activist during services at a local church, has ignited a firestorm of thoughtful, quiet debate about the practice of abortion. "When I saw how [Dr. Tiller] was shot in the head at point-blank range, I couldn't help but think, 'Maybe the other side has some logical points worth listening to,'" pro-choice activist Melinda Brody said. "I have a feeling this senseless act of violence will help resolve the divisive reproductive-rights issue once and for all." Brody also said she's encouraging doctors across the country to double the number of late-term abortions they perform in hopes of provoking even more open and rational dialogue.

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