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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Abortion Doctor's Murder Sparks Waves Of Calm, Rational Discussion

WICHITA, KS—The cold-blooded murder of late-term abortion doctor George Tiller, 67, who was gunned down last week by a pro-life activist during services at a local church, has ignited a firestorm of thoughtful, quiet debate about the practice of abortion. "When I saw how [Dr. Tiller] was shot in the head at point-blank range, I couldn't help but think, 'Maybe the other side has some logical points worth listening to,'" pro-choice activist Melinda Brody said. "I have a feeling this senseless act of violence will help resolve the divisive reproductive-rights issue once and for all." Brody also said she's encouraging doctors across the country to double the number of late-term abortions they perform in hopes of provoking even more open and rational dialogue.

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