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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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About FactZone with Brooke Alvarez

FactZone with Brooke Alvarez is the highest-rated prime-time cable news show in America, offering breaking news updates, in-depth reporting, insightful analysis of current events, and constant monitoring of public opinion through online polls, viewer tweets, and U-Reports. The winner of three "Swoosh Awards For Most Awesome News Graphics" since its debut in 2006, no other news show has done more to bombard viewers with an unrelenting stream of essential information. 

FactZone is known for its political programming, beginning their coverage of the 2008 presidential election in 2006 and extending it through 2010, as well as its investigative reports on missing girls, racecar explosions, and reality-TV trends.

FactZone producers have made a vow to "respect the viewers' time," packing more news into a 30-minute program than competing shows on CNN or FOX do in two to three hours of programming. Much of the credit is due to Brooke Alvarez, whose perfect annunciation allows for news delivery at a rate 33 percent higher than other broadcasters. 

Regular FactZone segments include:

"Media Monitor"—Host Brooke Alvarez exposes the gross negligence of other so-called news organizations.

"First Responders"—First on the scene for debating any issue, the First Responders offer the fastest and loudest analysis in TV news.

"Beyond The Facts"—Jean Anne Whorton goes in-depth, nodding thoughtfully at the real story behind the headline.

"Today In History"—Co-host Tucker Hope takes us back in time for a lesson about important historical events.

"In My Sights"—Brooke Alvarez offers simple, succinct, straightforward solutions to the world's most-complicated problems. 

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