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Vol 46 Issue 50

Julian Assange: Nobody Likes A Tattletale

Although Julian Assange sparked a media firestorm when he revealed thousands of pages of Pentagon reports proving that the U.S. military concealed more than 15,000 civilian deaths in Iraq, that rampant corruption and negligence among private contractors there poses a profound security risk, and that the U.S. State Department continually questions the strength of Russia's democracy, the fact remains that nobody wants to listen to an annoying little tattler.

Mark Zuckerberg - Gotta Hand It To The Little Fucker

No one made as large an impact on how we interact in 2010 as Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, who you really gotta hand it to, as much as you'd like to punch the little shit right in his smug, 26-year-old-billionaire face.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

About Onion Sports Network

The Onion Sports Network is the undisputed universal leader in sports coverage. OSN has studios and affiliates in every country that has sports, and our unparalleled coverage has made us nearly indistinguishable with the sports we cover.  With its total access and pulse-pounding coverage, the Onion Sports Network has made being a sports fan without it nearly impossible, filling in sports' dull, incomprehensible cracks with a solid wall of adrenaline. OSN has been proven powerful enough to build obscure sports into powerhouses (both the NBA and NFL were secondary leagues before winning OSN airtime), and single-handedly fold once-thriving sports ("tossball" was the most-watched sport in America before OSN took National Tossball Federation games off the air after a contract dispute.) Untold millions around the world turn to OSN first, to be reminded that while governments change, jobs are lost and families fall apart, sports remain the constant source of fulfillment and happiness, and those sports can only be enjoyed on the Onion Sports Network.

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