adBlockCheck

Sports

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
End Of Section
  • More News

About Onion Sports Network

The Onion Sports Network is the undisputed universal leader in sports coverage. OSN has studios and affiliates in every country that has sports, and our unparalleled coverage has made us nearly indistinguishable with the sports we cover.  With its total access and pulse-pounding coverage, the Onion Sports Network has made being a sports fan without it nearly impossible, filling in sports' dull, incomprehensible cracks with a solid wall of adrenaline. OSN has been proven powerful enough to build obscure sports into powerhouses (both the NBA and NFL were secondary leagues before winning OSN airtime), and single-handedly fold once-thriving sports ("tossball" was the most-watched sport in America before OSN took National Tossball Federation games off the air after a contract dispute.) Untold millions around the world turn to OSN first, to be reminded that while governments change, jobs are lost and families fall apart, sports remain the constant source of fulfillment and happiness, and those sports can only be enjoyed on the Onion Sports Network.

More from this section

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close