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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Acid Trip Better Planned Than Vacation

SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA— Jonathan Andriesko's weekend acid trip was better planned than his trip to Arizona last month, friends of the 22-year-old video-store clerk reported Monday. "Jon spent hours making sure everything was right," coworker Craig Jaeger said. "He requested two days off from work well in advance, rented 2001: A Space Odyssey, filled up his CD changer with Aphex Twin and Boards Of Canada discs, took the phone off the hook, stocked up on vitamin-C tablets, set up all the food he was going to need for the next 12 hours... You'd think he was planning a wedding." By contrast, Andriesko merely expressed vague plans to "get going sometime Saturday" before embarking on a mid-March trip to Scottsdale.

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