adBlockCheck

Recent News

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
End Of Section
  • More News

‘Active Shooter At Large,’ Reports Endless Background Hum Of Modern American Life

UNITED STATES—Echoing at a soft and constant volume across the nation’s collective conscious, the ambient, unending background hum of modern American life reported today that an armed gunman remains at large after opening fire on innocent bystanders. “Community members are advised to shelter in place,” stated the incessant, low-level white noise of death counts and missed warning signs emanating steadily from all directions, which confirmed that a vigil honoring the victims of the shooting will be held Thursday. “There were maybe five, six shots one after the other, and everyone started panicking. The gun was obtained legally. You never think that something like this could happen in your town.” The ceaseless, droning din of day-to-day existence in the United States went on to add, “lockdown, grieving families of the victims, troubled young man, AR-15, mental health system, senseless, took his own life, unsuccessful legislative efforts.”

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close