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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Actor Matthew McConaughey Agrees To Star In Whatever

AUSTIN, TX—Actor Matthew McConaughey announced Tuesday that he has accepted a 6, maybe $7 million offer to star in Whatever. "I'm happy to do Whatever. You know I'm easy, brother," McConaughey said of his upcoming role as a laid-back dude. "As long as the beer is cold and I can take my shirt off, I'm in. Well, all right." Whatever, slated for release either late this year or next, will be directed by this one guy with whom McConaughey has worked before, and will also star Kate Hudson.

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