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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Adam Morrison Successfully Misses Easy Layups During Workout For Raptors

TORONTO—Potential No. 1 NBA draft pick Adam Morrison managed to not be in his usual excellent form during a workout for the Toronto Raptors last week, sending several easy right-handed layups clanging off the backboard and acting as if he couldn't figure out how to even attempt the shot left-handed. "Well, some days you have it, and some days—particularly days when you're trying out for a team that went 27-55—you just don't," Morrison said. "Maybe my poor play here has to do with getting adjusted to the air in Toronto, or maybe it has to do with the thought of playing for so few fans, most of whom think of a full-court pass as 'icing.'" Morrison said he will most likely return to form when he works out for Chicago, Boston, and Philadelphia, but wouldn't be too shocked if he had a near-total breakdown during his workout for Atlanta.

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