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Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Adam Morrison Successfully Misses Easy Layups During Workout For Raptors

TORONTO—Potential No. 1 NBA draft pick Adam Morrison managed to not be in his usual excellent form during a workout for the Toronto Raptors last week, sending several easy right-handed layups clanging off the backboard and acting as if he couldn't figure out how to even attempt the shot left-handed. "Well, some days you have it, and some days—particularly days when you're trying out for a team that went 27-55—you just don't," Morrison said. "Maybe my poor play here has to do with getting adjusted to the air in Toronto, or maybe it has to do with the thought of playing for so few fans, most of whom think of a full-court pass as 'icing.'" Morrison said he will most likely return to form when he works out for Chicago, Boston, and Philadelphia, but wouldn't be too shocked if he had a near-total breakdown during his workout for Atlanta.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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